“Let Them” can get you only so far… “Let Me” is where magic happens
My personal moment of magic from attempting the terrifying “Let Me”
I recently read and reviewed Mel Robbins’ book “The Let Them Theory”, you can find that here.
This is what happened when I really attempted the second part of this theory — Let Them be Them, and Let Me be Me.
There is both terror and magic in taking responsibility for your life. Here is a recent account of my terror, and how I stepped into the void anyways, and the magic that was the result.
The end of the month used to cause a constriction in my chest as I sent invoices to my clients for my services as an English as a Foreign Language teacher. I had already ditched the language school that couldn’t pay me a living wage, and upgraded my money mindset in order to charge more for my services (and then I had to believe that I was worth every penny, or, in the case of the Czech Republic, every crown). But too often in the last ten years I’d lived from paycheck to paycheck, barely scraping enough by to enjoy an occasional lark in a neighbouring country.
Through the support of my incredible mentor, Nina Hanaková, and the Club for Successful Teacherpreneurs (if you are a language teacher entrepreneur or freelancer, I highly recommend checking it out), last year I raised my prices to a level where I could thrive. And, when my clients/students couldn’t afford my lessons individually, they paired up, leaving gaps in my schedule.
Those gaps felt like open pits of worry. I was too recently out of the mire of debt and constant anxiety to see them with any sort of acceptance or clarity.
But here’s the thing with changing your mindset, you actually have to change it.
So I started to relax into those gaps in my schedule, and trusted that, one way or another, I would attract the perfect clients to fit inside them.
And that, dear reader, is when I came across Mel Robbins and Let Them.
Let’s talk about magic for a moment.
Richard Rudd in his seminal Gene Keys book, has this to say about magic (from the 60th Gene Key):
“Magic refers to events that do not follow logical, sequential laws. Magic is spontaneous, highly mutative, unpredictable and uncontrollable.
“Most people do not think magically; that is to say, they do not leave the door ajar in their brains so that Inspiration may creep in at any moment.
“(It) requires deep acceptance of the uncertainty and unpredictability of the rhythms of life.
“(It) knows that there is magic in the darkness before manifestation and knows not to interfere with these essential life processes.”
I believe in magic. My mind is open to it. So is my heart. It means I can more readily recognise it when it appears in my life.
It means I have to make peace with the gaps, the darkness, the times of hibernation and entropy. So I held on, clinging to the idea that spring always follows winter.
Always.
Next, let’s review trust.
I’m not sure that everything happens for a reason. But I do believe that reason can be made from everything that happens. It’s a form of alchemy, of turning the shit of life (the lead) into spiritual gold. (I wrote more about that here.)
Since learning to love myself deeply and completely, accepting my flaws as well as my flows, my vices and my virtues, my heart to my body and beyond, I have also entered into a deep state of trust with Life itself.
I trust my emotions. I trust inspiration. I trust that my heart will guide me far better than my monkey mind ever will. I trust that every cloud has a silver lining (it’s all a question of perception) and that not everything works out the way we want. I trust that, too. I trust in the seasons, in the fluctuations of temperature, in the calm days and the storms. I. Trust. Life.
Part of “Let Them” is extending this trust to others. I trust that other people have their own dreams, their own passions and pursuits, their own reasons for doing what the hell they are doing. I trust that others have the means and the systems in place to crawl out of any hole, deal with any shit. I trust their feelings, from the great to the crap to the blah in the middle.
This means I also I trust their procrastination, their laziness or boredom, their inability to make decisions. I’m not inside their heads. I don’t know what they’ve gone through. It’s not my job to force or persuade or convince. Only to reach out, to inquire, to support, holding a space for them in their wholeness, just as I hold space for me and mine.
This is terrifying. To stop running around, dealing with other people’s shit and taking full responsibility for my own.
It’s terrifying to really understand that, if I want my dreams to come true, I need to wade through the darkness of fear and personal shadows, carrying the torch of my self-love raised high. Do I really want what I want? What will I do to get it? How sincere am I?
Can I love myself and trust myself not to push or force myself, accepting my own procrastination and laziness, my desire to hibernate all winter? Only I know what’s going on in here, in the darkness before manifestation (using Richard’s words from earlier).
Well, I don’t know what’s going on, but I trust even my own confusion and doubt.
I trust my community, too, my support networks and my friends. No man is an island, and I know when I need to reach out for a wee bit of help.
Let’s close the circle on this story, shall we?
Gap in schedule. Check. ✅
Deep trust in self and Life and magic. Check. ✅
Support systems in place? Thank God, yes. Check. ✅
Terror? ❌ Not needed anymore.
I reached out to the Club and said I needed support, that I was looking for someone interested in lessons. I was quickly introduced to Jana. We had a ‘chemistry call’ (in other words, a call to make sure we suited each other) and the chemistry was undeniable. Similar mindsets, similar beliefs, similar energy. Check. ✅
I reached out to someone who attended one of my webinars four months prior, Irina. She had expressed interest in having lessons, but not yet. I emailed her in December, but she still wasn’t ready. When I contacted her this time, she was ready. She agreed to a chemistry call and again, we completely clicked. Check. ✅
Both of these women are teachers of English, using my lessons as a way to “level up” and also to be supported the way they support their own clients. And neither of them could afford my lessons on their own. (As I mentioned, I’m now very expensive.) After the successful chemistry calls, I told them I was going to put them together, that I thought we would all complement each other perfectly.
Cue the magic.
(This part of the story is written with their permission.)
None of us knew each other. We were complete strangers. But Life brought us together, by fate, by serendipity, by magic.
- Both Jana and Irina live near the city of Brno, in the Czech Republic.
- They have both been teaching English as a Foreign Language for 17 years.
- They are both 42 years old.
- They both have one child.
- They have both lost their partners in the last four years, one to a sudden heart attack, the other to cancer.
Just pause and let that sink in. Look at it. Look at the magic of it. Look at how we came together, at the perfect time, in the perfect way. Look at how Irina had to procrastinate a bit, and wait to make this decision. Look at how I had to reach out for support to my Club, to be introduced to Jana.
In our first lesson together, I turned my camera off and let the women introduce themselves to each other. In a short time they had discovered all of these impossible synchronicities between them. They asked me, Jen, how did you do this? How did you know?
Let me be Jen. Let me be a bit of a witch. Let me be a magic-maker. Let me tiptoe into the darkness of my own terror with my self-love as my light and come out the other side bearing a treasure of gold.
Let me be me.
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