A poem about unicorns, dragons, and Frodo Baggins — and the journey to myself
This is a poem I performed at Open Mic Night in Brno, the Czech Republic, on Friday, February 25, 2022 — the day after the invasion of Ukraine.
I’m looking for magic
Magic that I used to hold in my childlike hands
I rode unicorns and spoke to dragons and believed in Frodo Baggins with all my heart
Frodo with his one ring
Frodo with his quest
Frodo with eventual salvation from his fiery mountain of doom
Starving, hopeless, casting aside his one
His own
His precious
I came to believe that magic wasn’t something I had
Magic needed to be looked for
Magic needed to be a quest
So I quested
I quested to university in a far off capital city and didn’t find magic there, only strangers and studies and setbacks
(I was a clever girl, you know, a big clever fish in a small village pond)
And if I found magic in Edmonton, at university, in hindsight it was the magic of failure
Of biting off more than I could chew
Of being too big for my britches
Of brandishing a sword only to fall on it
(I quested back home, you know, licking my various prideful wounds
And the unicorns and dragons of my childhood were waiting there for me
Whispering
Try again try again)
So I tried again
I quested off to Romania, to the squalid splendour of Bucharest, the dirty sea foam of Constanta
(I was a wiser girl by now, you know, a Mormon girl on a mission to baptise the masses and save souls)
And if I found magic in Romania, as a Mormon missionary bringing salvation, it was the magic of doubt
Of looking for God and finding wild street dogs instead
Of having all the answers but really I had none
Of trying to save souls that had no need of being saved
(I quested back home, you know, wondering just what the hell life was all about
And the unicorns and dragons of my childhood were waiting there for me
Whispering
Dig deep dig deep
Only here just here
This is where magic is found)
But I didn’t dig deep
I stopped my questing
I’d found, after all, only failure and doubt
No water for my heart, only aridity and drought
I slayed my unicorns, my dragons, my image of me
I froze myself into the drawing of what people expected me to be
I married a man, even though I am gay
I did what I was told, and lost my own way
The years slipped from my grasp, my feet became clay
Life was a beast, I was its prey
They
Say
Stay
Stay
Stay
Nay!
Are you looking for magic?
Do you know where it is found?
See all these people with shovels and hard frozen ground?
These prospectors of myth, of a perfectly told story
Of fame, of fortune, of peril and glory
They look and they seek what is under their own noses
Climb that corporate ladder, keep up with the Joneses
Masks all around, nothing exposes
Supposes
Decomposes
Stop and smell the roses?
I won’t show you the way, I won’t make you see
I don’t want you to be anything at all like me
That’s the beauty of it all, that’s the
Point.
(I’ll stop rhyming now
I’m not really a poet
And life certainly isn’t like polite rhyming lines of verse
Life is messy and chaotic and
(sigh)
Just ask Ukraine)
I’m looking for magic
Magic that I used to hold in my childlike hands
I rode unicorns and spoke to dragons and believed in Frodo Baggins with all my heart
I quested
I tried again
I finally dug deep
See where it was found?
(deep breath)
(smile, tap my heartbeats)
Thank you
(mic down, bow)
