Looking for Magic

Jen Hill
3 min readMar 8, 2022

A poem about unicorns, dragons, and Frodo Baggins — and the journey to myself

Photo by Leo Rivas on Unsplash

This is a poem I performed at Open Mic Night in Brno, the Czech Republic, on Friday, February 25, 2022 — the day after the invasion of Ukraine.

I’m looking for magic

Magic that I used to hold in my childlike hands

I rode unicorns and spoke to dragons and believed in Frodo Baggins with all my heart

Frodo with his one ring

Frodo with his quest

Frodo with eventual salvation from his fiery mountain of doom

Starving, hopeless, casting aside his one

His own

His precious

I came to believe that magic wasn’t something I had

Magic needed to be looked for

Magic needed to be a quest

So I quested

I quested to university in a far off capital city and didn’t find magic there, only strangers and studies and setbacks

(I was a clever girl, you know, a big clever fish in a small village pond)

And if I found magic in Edmonton, at university, in hindsight it was the magic of failure

Of biting off more than I could chew

Of being too big for my britches

Of brandishing a sword only to fall on it

(I quested back home, you know, licking my various prideful wounds

And the unicorns and dragons of my childhood were waiting there for me

Whispering

Try again try again)

So I tried again

I quested off to Romania, to the squalid splendour of Bucharest, the dirty sea foam of Constanta

(I was a wiser girl by now, you know, a Mormon girl on a mission to baptise the masses and save souls)

And if I found magic in Romania, as a Mormon missionary bringing salvation, it was the magic of doubt

Of looking for God and finding wild street dogs instead

Of having all the answers but really I had none

Of trying to save souls that had no need of being saved

(I quested back home, you know, wondering just what the hell life was all about

And the unicorns and dragons of my childhood were waiting there for me

Whispering

Dig deep dig deep

Only here just here

This is where magic is found)

But I didn’t dig deep

I stopped my questing

I’d found, after all, only failure and doubt

No water for my heart, only aridity and drought

I slayed my unicorns, my dragons, my image of me

I froze myself into the drawing of what people expected me to be

I married a man, even though I am gay

I did what I was told, and lost my own way

The years slipped from my grasp, my feet became clay

Life was a beast, I was its prey

They

Say

Stay

Stay

Stay

Nay!

Are you looking for magic?

Do you know where it is found?

See all these people with shovels and hard frozen ground?

These prospectors of myth, of a perfectly told story

Of fame, of fortune, of peril and glory

They look and they seek what is under their own noses

Climb that corporate ladder, keep up with the Joneses

Masks all around, nothing exposes

Supposes

Decomposes

Stop and smell the roses?

I won’t show you the way, I won’t make you see

I don’t want you to be anything at all like me

That’s the beauty of it all, that’s the

Point.

(I’ll stop rhyming now

I’m not really a poet

And life certainly isn’t like polite rhyming lines of verse

Life is messy and chaotic and

(sigh)

Just ask Ukraine)

I’m looking for magic

Magic that I used to hold in my childlike hands

I rode unicorns and spoke to dragons and believed in Frodo Baggins with all my heart

I quested

I tried again

I finally dug deep

See where it was found?

(deep breath)

(smile, tap my heartbeats)

Thank you

(mic down, bow)

https://youtu.be/xI3Zr-dtfCQ

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Jen Hill

Just a girl in Prague, writing about love, teaching, and spirituality. I enjoy shamanism, writing novels, and drinking craft beer.