My dear, sweet Jen, I love you

Jen Hill
6 min readFeb 28, 2021

What I learned from writing love notes to myself

The author, Jen, in July 2020

(For a simple English, B1 level version of this article for English language learners, click here.)

I took the above picture in July 2020. Believe me, it was a good hair day. At that point, I had just come out of a month-long funk, the first wave of the pandemic was over, and all the sparkle had returned to my eyes and to my life.

Having had several short-term and tumultuous relationships over the last few years, I was toying with the idea of self-partnership. In a nutshell, self-partnership is just how it sounds: you make yourself your partner. You build a loving, generous, fulfilling relationship with yourself. After reading some articles about this concept, I decided to start with writing myself love notes. I already had a regular daily journaling practice, so adding a love note to myself each day would be easy to just stack onto this habit.

It was strange at first. I deliberately wrote in third person, addressing myself as Jen and saying things like how kind I was, how brave, how I managed in a certain situation. In no time at all, this love note to myself, which is how I ended each journal entry, became the highlight of my journaling experience. It was something I looked forward to every day.

As I continued this practice, day in and day out, I noticed some subtle changes to my life. For one thing, I became kinder to myself. If I happened to overindulge in some delicious local wine one night only to wake up with a hangover the next morning, there was none of the previous condemnation. I didn’t berate myself, I didn’t call myself stupid or foolish. Instead, I held myself tenderly, saying things like it’s okay, you’ll do better next time. It’s not the end of the world.

The kinder I was to myself, the easier it was to be kind to the people around me as well.

The next thing that happened was subtler yet. I began to really take note of my strengths, what gifts I had to offer to the world. In writing these love notes, where I spoke of my light, my curiosity, my willingness to accept obstacles, my appreciation of discomfort, I began to piece together a different perception of Jen.

In noticing my talents and gifts, I found I had even more desire to share those same talents and gifts with the people around me.

In the autumn of 2020, wanting to reconnect with my shamanic practices, I attended an online shamanic workshop. It was just the spark I needed to incorporate more shamanic work into my daily life, so I began to perform a shamanic dance with my power animal every morning. I would connect with my power animal, and ask him to gift me with energy and healing for my day of teaching and connection ahead.

My power animal has always had much to teach me, and very soon he began teaching me about my heart. He softly urged me to open my heart, and let the love and light in my heart shine through the camera into the lives and hearts of my students. So I tried it, and something amazing happened; my style of teaching English changed. I softened my approach by giving control of the lessons back to my students. I let them guide and determine their own journey with this language, all while showering them in the open-hearted love, light and energy that my power animal inspired me to give. My students are perceptive; they would often tell me at the end of the lesson that they felt better, more energised, more relaxed.

Wow, right?

Self-love was a key that unlocked my own heart.

Photo by Sharissa Johnson on Unsplash

And inside my heart I found a joyous lake, an eternal wellspring, a fountain that gave and could keep on giving until the end of time. Inside my heart, I touched the truth:

That light is love, and love is endless.

And Jen? Jen is a conduit for this love, this love that is cosmic, that stretches to the very edges of space and time.

Do you know what else happens when you realise that you are a conduit for universal love?

Hope happens.

I found in myself an enormous reservoir of hope. Hope in my bright future, of course, hope that I would each day fulfill the purpose of my life. But also hope in mankind, in our collective future. Hope came to me, in all its lightness and relaxation, because of my love notes.

Every act of self-love raises vibration and frequency, and as I raise my own vibration, I simultaneously raise the vibration of all humanity.

So when I write myself love notes, when I’m gentle and forgiving towards myself, when I hold a space to shower my students with energy and joy, I’m doing this all for you, too. You, gentle reader, whoever and wherever you are.

For we are connected to each other in ways we cannot understand with our mind alone.

But our heart already knows all this. And so much more.

Some final thoughts to share with you. A dear friend said something profound about this topic: Unconditional self-love makes so much sense because if we could all give to ourselves the love and fullness that we crave in the world, there wouldn’t be a need to find it elsewhere, and in the wrong places. (Thank you, sweet Kat, for these beautiful words.)

Something very interesting is now happening to me and it all started with my love notes — I wouldn’t have come to this place of my evolution without this generosity of love towards myself. You see, my power animal keeps working with my heart, day after day, month after month. In this work, I am uncovering a dream. My love of myself is somehow allowing a most precious dream to emerge. I still don’t know much about this dream, as I believe it is 2021 that will allow this understanding to unfold. I just feel it there, this treasured dream that yearns to connect with the dream of the Universe. I am incredibly patient, I’ll wait and see what shape or form this dream takes when it finally blossoms.

And if you are curious what these love notes actually look like, let me share a few with you, word for word as I wrote them in my journal:

So, my dear. Four lessons today. Be soft and gentle. Hold space. You’re so kind. I love that about you. You think of others and love to grant them what they want and need. What is the true nature of teaching, then? Hmm. Something to think about. A big part of teaching is getting out of the way. And now the day begins. Jen, it’s okay to be sad. Own it, don’t give it away. Not yet. It’s yours. Dearest, have a calm, connected day. (November 25, 2020, written in a low period.)

There is beauty and expansion in doubt, when it leads to inquiry. There is softness here, simplicity. My darling Jen, what an amazing seeker you are! You have learned to relax so much, to be soft in your questing. You tread lightly through your inner garden. So be gentle today, my heart. Be soft. Above all, be you. I love you just the way you are. (Jan 10, 2021)

My Jen, I love your light. I love your willingness to accept ALL in your path. I love how you perceive obstacles — as objects of curiosity and myth-making. You have unlocked such incredible gifts, my girl. Have faith and courage to keep unlocking. Dearest heart, I love you. (Jan 29, 2021)

Readers, it is not easy to be this open and vulnerable with you. But I feel this call to share what I have learned, so share it I will. I am, after all, very obedient when the Universe calls.

May you have a joyful, calm, and connected day.

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Jen Hill

Just a girl in Prague, writing about love, teaching, and spirituality. I enjoy shamanism, writing novels, and drinking craft beer.