My dear, sweet Jen, I love you

Jen Hill
6 min readFeb 28, 2021

What I learned from writing love notes to myself (in simple English)

The author, Jen, in July 2020

That’s me in the picture above, a photo I took in July 2020. Believe me, I was having a good hair day. At that moment, I had just come out of a month-long low and depressive period, the first wave of the pandemic was over, and all the fire of my spirit had returned to my eyes and to my life.

Over the last few years, I had had several short-term and rocky relationships, so in July 2020 I was thinking about the idea of self-partnership. Simply put, self-partnership is just how it sounds: you make yourself your partner. You build a loving, generous, fulfilling relationship with yourself. After reading some articles about this idea, I decided to start with writing myself love notes. I already had a regular daily journaling practice, to adding a love note to myself each day would be easy to do.

It was strange at first. I decided to write in third person, so I called myself ‘Jen’ and said things like how kind I was, how brave, how proud I was that Jen managed a certain situation so well. Very quickly this love note to myself, which is how I ended my journal entry each day, became the highlight of my journaling experience. It was something I looked forward to every day.

As I continued this practice, one day after another, I noticed some small changes in my life. It started with me being kinder to myself. If I drank too much delicious local wine one night only to wake up with a hangover the next morning, I spoke to myself in a much nicer way. I didn’t get angry at myself, or call myself stupid and foolish (as I used to do in the past). Instead, I held myself tenderly, saying things like it’s okay, Jen, you’ll do better next time. It’s not the end of the world.

The kinder I was to myself, the easier it was to be kind to the people around me as well.

The next thing that happened was softer and harder to recognise. I began to notice and identify my strengths, the gifts I had to offer to the world. In writing these love notes, where I spoke of my light, my curiosity, how willing and able I was to accept obstacles and appreciate discomfort, I began to put together a different idea of who Jen really was.

When I noticed my talents and gifts and celebrated them in my love notes, I found I had even more desire to share those talents and gifts with the people around me.

In the autumn of 2020 I wanted to reconnect with my shamanic practices, so I attended an online shamanic workshop. It was exactly what I needed to inspire me to do more shamanic work in my daily life. I began to perform a shamanic dance with my power animal every morning before my online teaching. Each morning I connected with my power animal and asked him to give me energy and healing for the day ahead.

My power animal has always had a lot to teach me, and soon after doing daily dances, he began teaching me something about my heart. He asked me to open my heart, and let the love and light in my heart shine through the camera into the lives and hearts of my students. So I tried it. And something amazing happened; my style of teaching English changed. I softened my way of teaching by giving control of the lessons to the students. I let them guide and control their own journey with the English language, and I showered them with all my open-hearted love, light, and energy that my power animal inspired me to give. My students were sensitive to this change, and often told me at the end of the lesson that they felt better than before, they felt relaxed and full of energy.

Wow, right?

Self-love was a key that unlocked my own heart.

Photo by Sharissa Johnson on Unsplash

And inside my heart I found a joyful lake, an eternal fountain, a spring that gave and could keep on giving until the end of time. Inside my heart, I found this truth:

That light is love, and love is endless.

And Jen? Jen is a channel for this love, this love that is cosmic and universal, that goes to the very edges of space and time.

Do you know what else happens when you realise that you are a channel for universal love?

Hope happens.

I found in myself an enormous ocean of hope. Hope in my bright future, of course, hope that I would fulfill the purpose of my life each and every day. But also hope in humanity, in society, in our collective future. Hope came to me, in all its lightness and relaxation, because of my love notes.

Every act of self-love causes an increase in vibration and frequency, and as I raise my own vibration, at the same time I raise the vibration of all of us.

So when I write myself love notes, when I’m gentle and forgiving towards myself, when I hold space to shower my students with energy and joy, I’m doing this for you, too. You, gentle reader, whoever and wherever you are.

For we are connected to each other in ways we cannot understand with our mind alone.

But our heart already knows all this. And so much more.

Some final thoughts to share with you. A dear friend said something very thoughtful about this topic: Unconditional self-love makes so much sense because if we could all give to ourselves the love and fullness that we desire in the world, there wouldn’t be a need to find it elsewhere, and in the wrong places. (Thank you, sweet Kat, for these beautiful words.)

Something very interesting is now happening to me and it all started with my love notes — I wouldn’t have come to this place of my evolution without this generosity of love towards myself. You see, my power animal keeps working with my heart, day after day, month after month. In this work, I am uncovering a dream. I still don’t know much about this dream, this vision of the future, but I believe 2021 is a year that will help me understand this dream. I just feel it inside my heart, this beautiful dream that wants to connect with the great dream of the Universe. I’m a very patient person, I’ll wait and see what shape or form this dream takes when it finally blossoms.

And if you are curious what these love notes actually look like, let me share a few with you, word for word as I wrote them in my journal (in my native English):

So, my dear. Four lessons today. Be soft and gentle. Hold space. You’re so kind. I love that about you. You think of others and love to grant them what they want and need. What is the true nature of teaching, then? Hmm. Something to think about. A big part of teaching is getting out of the way. And now the day begins. Jen, it’s okay to be sad. Own it, don’t give it away. Not yet. It’s yours. Dearest, have a calm, connected day. (November 25, 2020, written in a low period.)

There is beauty and expansion in doubt, when it leads to inquiry. There is softness here, simplicity. My darling Jen, what an amazing seeker you are! You have learned to relax so much, to be soft in your questing. You tread lightly through your inner garden. So be gentle today, my heart. Be soft. Above all, be you. I love you just the way you are. (Jan 10, 2021)

My Jen, I love your light. I love your willingness to accept ALL in your path. I love how you perceive obstacles — as objects of curiosity and myth-making. You have unlocked such incredible gifts, my girl. Have faith and courage to keep unlocking. Dearest heart, I love you. (Jan 29, 2021)

Readers, it is not easy to be this open with you. But I feel this call to share what I have learned, so I will share it. I am, after all, very obedient when the Universe calls.

May you have a joyful, calm, and connected day.

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Jen Hill

Just a girl in Prague, writing about love, teaching, and spirituality. I enjoy shamanism, writing novels, and drinking craft beer.