To Be A Crucible
The beautiful alchemical art of holding space for yourself and others
(For a simple English, B1 level version of this article for English language learners, click here.)
I’m a Canadian living in Prague, the city of alchemy and dreams. We’re all familiar with the medieval concept of alchemy, in which the alchemist attempted to produce a stone of philosophy. This legendary substance could be used to turn base metals (such as lead) into noble ones (such as gold). The Philosopher’s Stone is also known as the Elixir of Life, which would rejuvenate the recipient and even produce immortality.
The search for the Stone of Philosophy was the Magnum Opus (Great Work) of all alchemists. However, this gross or material fractal of alchemy (referred to as exoteric alchemy) is perfectly linked to the spiritual fractal or esoteric alchemy.
I am fascinated by the idea of esoteric alchemy. It provides a rich metaphor for understanding life with all its beauty and pain. Prominent among these is the idea of the crucible itself.
No alchemy could be performed without the crucible, which was the bowl, cauldron, or pot in which ingredients were added and then fire applied. It is the container within which the transmutation occurs.
Early in 2020, as the coronavirus prompted the Czech Republic to lock itself down, I began thinking about this idea in earnest. What does it mean to be a crucible? As the year progressed, and I had time and space to reflect on my life and its many changes, I began to understand this concept in great depth and detail.
Simply put, being a crucible means holding space.
It is accepting all experience into your life, knowing that everything that occurs is for your highest good.
It is transmutation at its finest: taking all suffering, all pain, all heartache, everything that is base and leaden like ore, and holding space for it, allowing it to cook inside you, all to produce personal gold.
Is it easy? No. It means sitting with discomfort, distress, sadness, uncertainty, and pain.
Is it worth it? Most definitely. The gold I refer to could be seen as the uncovering of divine truth, which is the knowledge of who you are and what place you hold in the universe.
As someone who has overcome childhood sexual abuse, longterm illness, a divorce and coming out as a lesbian, I am now in a place to be grateful for all that I have experienced. I am a crucible, I hold everything that life offers, I allow time to cook me with its fire, and the result is contentment, groundedness, satisfaction, and joy. I have my low periods, just like everyone else, but I dare say I enjoy them, for I know they are temporary.
So what does it mean to hold space for yourself? And for others?
When you hold space for yourself, you:
- Trust your emotions. Sit with them. Hold space for them. When you feel sadness, fear or anger, put that emotion in your crucible and hold it. It is there to move through you, to show you what is important, to give you balance. When you experience contentment, joy, and happiness, cherish them without wondering how long they might last. Take an observer’s viewpoint of the emotion, you don’t have to identify with it, react to it or repress it. Just acknowledge that it is there and see what it teaches you. If you feel called to do so, sublimate it into art, creativity, or service.
- Accept all experience. Everything is allowed in the pot. Good or bad, pleasure or pain, in the end it is just experience. Give it space in your crucible, let time cook it and show you the gold inside. This is the alchemy of suffering — it is a portal to higher states of consciousness, to the embrace of the Divine Mother.
- Become friends with time. For many, time is an enemy. For an alchemist, time is a cherished friend. Sit with the idea that there is always time for all good things, so there is no need to rush. Besides, life has its own timing. Relax and move into the flow of time, become comfortable with the present moment. Meditation is a great tool to have a better relationship with time.
- Set and maintain personal boundaries. A crucible is not a permeable membrane. These boundaries can be energetic or emotional. It takes great resolve to deny people access to your energy, but whatever energy you withhold is yours to channel in a way that suits your own higher purpose or fulfillment. Saying no to certain people or situations is one way of maintaining boundaries. An example of maintaining an emotional boundary is not allowing the sadness, negativity or overwhelm of someone in your orbit to affect you personally. By all means, feel empathy for this person, for what they are experiencing, but you don’t serve them or yourself by ingesting their sadness or anger or negativity.
- Trust in the power of your dream. I don’t believe in searching for life’s purpose, but I believe in the power of a dream. When you have a dream for your life, your focus becomes stronger, and every small act in service of that dream is meaningful. Dreams change over time, so allow old dreams to die so new dreams can be born. Sacrifice what is needed to give space, time and attention to the dream.
- Shower yourself in love. You are an utterly unique individual, born with qualities and traits that no one else has. You are a gift to this world, but it takes self-love to open this gift and share it with others. Loving yourself is a deeply profound act that will change your very outlook on life. Loving yourself will make all this alchemical work easier to bear. Self-love will establish your worth to you.
Once you have established this space for yourself, you are even more capable of holding space for people around you, your partner, your friends, your colleagues, the mask-wearing shop assistant. Take these same principles, and apply them with kindness and light-heartedness to the people in your orbit. It’s an act of love and sacrifice to hold space for others; it is deeply meaningful and will change the lives of those around you.
When you hold space for others, you:
- Restrain yourself. In conversation, you employ deep, compassionate listening. Not every thought you have is meant to be shared. Silence becomes an ally. Allow silence to flourish, for within that silence you hold space for the other person to speak. The greatest transmission of truth happens in the absence of words.
- Allow and accept their emotions, whatever they happen to be. This is easy when someone is feeling happy or fulfilled, but harder when someone is sad. However, I have learned that allowing someone to be sad without trying to cheer them up is a very powerful thing. In giving someone space to experience negative emotions, you show them that these emotions are not bad. You can hold space for people, even when this space feels prickly.
- Be gracious when they deny you something. When someone has the courage to say no to you, they are saying yes to something else that is important to them, and this is to be respected.
- Notice and name. This is another incredible property of being a crucible for others, witnessing their blossoming over time and naming what you witness. When you notice that someone’s self-confidence has grown, say so. When you notice a friend being kind or generous to you or others, say something about it. Acknowledge it. I use this technique in my English teaching, and it is very powerful.
- Trust in the power of their dream. Whether or not your friends are aware of their dream, or they doubt they even have one, hold this knowledge inside you, and trust that Life will present them with all the opportunities they need to uncover their own gifts, their own dream. Hold this space for them, this Truth that there is something inside them that only they can uncover and share with the world. And when they do, the world will be better for it.
As a final thought, you may consider the concept of a work of art. It takes decades of dedication, perseverance and skill for a Master to create a work of art. When you are a crucible, when you hold space for yourself and others, you are making your very Life a work of art. Whether or not you achieve what this world calls success is irrelevant — your being, your eyes, and your aura will shine with all the gleam and lustre of your precious personal gold.
